Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
