im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
