Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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