Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize