oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
