either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
