Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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