Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
