No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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