I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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