we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
