The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
