a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
