i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
