Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
