dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If that was your dad, he is hot
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
