I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
