Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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