Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
