Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
