No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
