I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
