she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
