he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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