She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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