You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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