So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
