I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
