You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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