I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
