I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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