No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
