So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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