I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
