Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
