y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
