i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
