I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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