and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
