and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize