You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
