so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
