so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize