The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
