Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize