everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
