you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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