What a fucking waste of an outfit
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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