I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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