i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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