I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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