remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have demons in me.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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