I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
