all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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