I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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