My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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