i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
