Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
