Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
