Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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