What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You don't make any sense
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