if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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